Sadly, I'm Right

I had to emotionally process the events of the past few days before I could blog about them.


When our son entered college, I predicted he would not make it through the first semester.  Sadly, I was right.  On Monday we discovered that he left the college and moved in with my parents, without a word to us by anyone involved in this.  There were so many emotions involved when I learned this information.


In a previous blog, I posted that he was nearing dismissal from the college because of his inability/unwillingness to follow the college rules.  He knew the rules before he ever left for college, so he cannot say this was a shock.


On October 29, the day I posted the blog actually, he elected to move out of the college.  Because he had signed a privacy waiver, the college was able to tell me about the circumstances, which they could not have otherwise.  Here is the e-mail I received from them.  This is their words, not my interpretation of what they said.


"T left (the) College on the 29th of October. He moved his stuff out of the dorm room and moved in with an expelled student in town. We, (the) College, officially withdrew him from the college on that Monday, October 31st. He moved all of his things out of the dorm room; there was nothing left on campus.  This information comes from the Academic Dean and T's Dorm Manager.

I can tell you that T was not expelled or kicked out of (the) College. T chose to leave (the) College. He was struggling academically, but I was working with him and he could have passed all but one course. T's conduct on and off campus is what caused issues. He disrespected the authority of the Dorm Manager and the Assistant Dean of Student Services. He was summoned by the Assistant Dean on a couple of occasions to discuss his chapel absences. One time he did not show up and another he lied to her that he was in my class, which he wasn't. T was also going around town soliciting money from people because his "grandmother was dying of cancer." He was also mowing lawns for money, but said it was to raise money for the soccer team, which wasn't true. He did talk about leaving and the soccer coach and I did talk with him at length. I helped him try to withdrawal weeks before he left, but he decided to stay because he would owe over $10,000. It was at that point I help get his Dorm Manager to help wake him up for chapel so he wouldn't be expelled. That was a week or two before he left.

While T could have been getting expelled for excessive chapel absences, his blatant disregard of authority, lying, and outside conduct in the town - HE CHOSE TO LEAVE. I was working with him and all those involved to keep him here. I know this was probably the best place for him and tried desperately to keep him here. I am sad that he left, but it was his choice.

I am sorry to write these things about your son, but I hope they help you in the future."

None of what is written is a surprise to me.  Last weekend he hopped a train and a bus to plant him back in the state, however, he had no plans for anyone to pick him up, nor did he tell anyone he was coming.  He attempted to land at his former foster parents house.  They refused to keep him.  He then contacted my parents, who took him in.  We were not notified of any of this.  He left behind everything that we had purchased for him for his apartment and dorm room and he arrived with 2 suitcases.

I have shared all of the information from the college with my parents, and have been brutally honest with them.  Our son becomes extremely violent around Thanksgiving.  He has spent 3 of the past 5 Thanksgivings in jail.  And this is when he was on his medication, which he is not now.  I fear for their safety, as well as our family's since we are in very close proximity now.

Our son has made no attempt to contact us and has left it to my father to notify us that he is back in town.  This upsets me because it shows yet another level of irresponsibility and not taking the consequences of his actions.

Additionally, we have found out that he is being investigated for "criminal mischief" in the town he just left.  No charges have been filed yet, and we don't know if charges will be filed.  

My husband, my daughter and myself are handling this better than we were a few days ago, and we are working very hard to let this go and let the chips fall where they may.  My parents think they can "save" him and lead him down the right path.  I don't know what they are going to do that we haven't done in the last 13 years.  I told my father that you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped, and the only thing he wants from anyone right now is to mooch off them.  If someone won't give him money, he has no use for them, and this includes his biological brothers.  

My husband and I know that we have tried our hardest and done everything we can to help him.  Now it's his turn to take charge of his life and start taking responsibility for some very large mistakes.  We have friends who have been incredibly supportive, and we are beyond thankful for that!  I have a feeling we will be leaning on them, and our faith, greatly in the coming months.