Breast Cancer Awareness Give Away

Unless you're living under a rock, you know that October is breast cancer awareness month.  There is pink everywhere.  I'm sure you know someone who has been affected by breast cancer.  It's very personal for me.

In 1998 I lost one of the greatest women I've ever known to breast cancer.  My Aunt Lin died when she was just a few years younger than I am now.  Far too young.  She was a mother to 4, a step-mother to 3, a sister, a daughter, an aunt and a wife.  Many people miss her.  My children never got to meet her and she never got to meet her grandchildren.

I also have many friends who have fought the battle, and won, and a courageous young woman who had genetic testing, discovered that her odds of developing breast cancer were astronomical, and she voluntarily had a double mastectomy before the cancer hit.  They are all courageous women!

Cancer hit us again a few years ago when our former pastor, and dear friend, was diagnosed at the age of 40.  Her daughter and my daughter were the same age, so the reality of cancer struck my daughter.  She watched our friend, and one of her best friend's mother, going through this horrible disease.  It was hard for her to watch and we spent a lot of talking about what happens.

In honor of all these women, but especially my Aunt Lin, I am doing a give away.

I like to sew and knit and run an Etsy shop.  I made this apron, and it is only available on the give away.

The main fabric has the words faith, hope, love and charity throughout.  The pocket, band and ties are the pink ribbon material.

This is a one size fits most.  I am a size 14/16, and as you can see, it fits me fine, and there is plenty of room in the ties to expand it.  If you're smaller, you can wrap the ties around.

It's cotton material, so it is washable and dryable.

This give away is open to everyone of any age, and there are many ways to enter.

Comment and tell me how breast cancer has affected your life.
Comment and tell me you're a survivor (YAY!) and get 2 entries.
Share on Facebook, Twitter, via e-mail, on your own blog - comment and tell me where/how you shared it and get an entry for each method you shared.
Comment and tell me what month you had your mammogram.
If you haven't had your mammogram, get on the phone and get it scheduled!!  Then comment and tell me when it's scheduled.
Comment and tell me where you did a breast cancer walk.
Comment with your favorite breast cancer saying - "Save the TaTas" and so on.

Yes, this means you can have multiple entries.  One for each comment!!

The whole purpose of this is to spread the word.  I had my mammogram earlier this month and everything is fine.  (Thank you God!!)  Yes, it's not the most comfortable, but the whole thing takes 15 minutes and can save your life.

Have a conversation with your friends and family.  Pester them if you have to. Let's not let this just be a month where we wear pink.  It's not about a fashion statement.  It's about screening and being healthy.  It's about being proactive.

That being said, my Aunt Lin would hate this apron.  She was not a pink girl at all and she wasn't about  "advertising" that she had cancer.  She wasn't frilly at all.  She was a hard working, strong and loving woman, and I wonder how different our lives and family would be if she were still here.  So, I want to do this in her honor, and hopefully help a woman get screening that she might otherwise put off.  Please get checked.

Drawing will run through October 31st.

What I Did this Summer

Many kids start school with the "What I Did this Summer" assignment, so I'll share mine.

This was a crazy summer for me.  I did A LOT of traveling.  Between Memorial Day and Labor Day I was on five different trips.  Let me say, this is highly unusual for me.  I don't travel this much in two years, much less in one summer.

I started with a trip to Houston to see my best friend and to watch her daughter graduate high school.

The graduate isn't in the picture because she was off getting ready for graduation, and she'd probably kill me anyway.

I was home until mid-July, which began my insanity.  My friend, Katrina, and I went to visit my friend, Nancy.  She had lost her mother a few weeks prior and we went to spend some time with our friend.  Nancy is the founder of the Attachment & Trauma Network.  I met her in 2004 when we first got a diagnosis of Reactive Attachment Disorder.

It is because of Nancy that our daughter is in our home, but it's a bit of a long story.  I will forever be grateful for the gift that she gave us, and the gifts she has given to so many families.

After a week at home, it was time to leave again.  I set off to Pennsylvania with four other adults and seven youth from our church.  We went to do a week long service trip with Week of Hope.  It was unlike anything I had ever experienced before.  It was my first time doing prolonged mission work.  I'd never done anything more than a day or a weekend, so it was a new experience.  We spent a long time traveling (14 hours each way) and with each other, but it was worth it.

The friends we made and the lessons we learned were amazing.

We returned home for, literally, two days before we set off again.  This time we left as a family.  We went to Colorado with my in-laws for a trip that my husband took often as a child and teen.  It was the first time our whole family was together in over ten years.  The chance to be together again and for us to experience things that my husband did was extraordinary.

For a girl who doesn't like heights, I did OK with being up at 13,000 feet on the top of a mountain.  A little hint - don't look down!!

After that it was home for a couple weeks, ending my summer with a quick trip to Atlanta.  This was the most "work" oriented trip.  ATN was proud to host the Southern premier of a movie called "The Boarder", about a child with attachment disorder and how it affects the family.  It was a very worthwhile weekend.  I love the chance to connect with my fellow ATN staff and Board Members, as well as meeting the families that we work with.

In this picture are Executive Director, Julie Beem along with Board Members and staff, Tanya Bowers-Dean, Stephanie Garde and myself.  Along with the movie, we hosted a resource expo for families to find services and to meet other families.  After the evening showing, we hosted a small appetizer and cocktail reception.  After 12 hours on our feet, we were ready to sit down, but spent a couple of hours staying up and talking.

And now I am home and will be for the next several months.  Every one of these trips was worth it!  I am paying for it now in weight gain and fatigue, but I will get back on my feet.  The memories are ones I will carry with me for years to come and will certain bring light on dark days.

Thank you to everyone who was a part of these memories.

Is adoption "unnatural"?

This evening my daughter and I participated in a walk for Special Olympics to support some friends of ours. When we crossed the finish line I saw a familiar face that I hadn't expected to see.... My son's social worker from while he was in residential care.

We chatted for a bit about how my son is doing, or not doing as the case may be.  We were in the community where my son now resides and where his birth family lives.  I was never fond of this worker, and the following statement shows just one of the many reasons why.

"So, he's living here where his natural family is?"

Well, if his birth family is his natural family, we are not his birth family so that make us, what?  Unnatural?  I looked up the definition of unnatural.

un·nat·u·ral adj. 1. In violation of a natural law. 2. Inconsistent with an individual pattern or custom. 3. Deviating from a behavioral or social norm: an unnatural attachment. 4. Contrived or constrained; artificial: smiled in an unnatural manner. 5. In violation of natural feelings; inhuman.

Hmmm.  This does not make me feel very good.  This means for the last 13 1/2 years I have been in violation of the law?   Or I'm a social deviant?  Or am I artificial?  Maybe I am inhuman?

Do people not realize what they are saying when they say these things?  I never proclaim to be a child's birth mother, but I do not think there is anything unnatural about me or my family.  Adoption dates back thousands of years.

if you don't believe me, pick up a Bible and open it to the Book of Ruth.  This is one of the earliest adoption stories.  Ruth's husband dies and she remarries Boaz.  They have a son who she gives to her mother-in-law Naomi because Naomi's children have all died.  Hello adoption.  Thousands of years ago.

So why do people say these stupid things when referring to an adoptive family?  Another "favorite" of mine is that he's now living with his "real" mother.  Last time I checked I'm pretty real.  And what is real?  Does a "real" mother drink and use drugs while pregnant, beat her child. allow others to use that child for completely unnatural purposes?  Does a real mother leave a child go without food so that she can get her drug fix?  

I was really there through every bit of his behavioral issues, through every school event, at his graduation, took him to college, financially supported him, tried to guide him along the right path, gave him a stable home, bandaged injuries, cleaned up after him when he was sick, gave up things for myself to provide for him, and the list goes on.  How does that make me not real?

The worst part of all this is that this man is in a position to know better!! He works in social services for goodness sakes!  He was my son's social worker for about 3 years.  Apparently he learned nothing in those 3 years, or the many others he worked in social services.  I think it's time for some training for these workers!

Support System

One of the most important things when you are parenting a child with any kind of special needs is to have a great support system behind you.  I am so incredibly blessed to have that.

As I blogged about here I spent several days in Houston visiting my best friend.  I attended the graduation of her daughter while I was there, and it was the reason for the timing of the trip.

Sonya has been a staunch supporter of our parenting as long as we've had children.  There were times where she saw behaviors in my kids that I didn't see.  Having her support me has been one of the greatest gifts of my life.  While I was in Houston we talked about my kids, but it wasn't the constant theme of the vacation.  In fact, the time spent discussing kids was minimal.  We both needed the time to just relax and that's what we did.  Kids were still involved since I was staying at their house, but I love her children and we have a great time together, but we did not linger on the problems I am facing.

I am blessed with three additional amazing supporters.  We have all been friends for nearly 30 years.  I'm trying to figure out how that can be since we're all only 29 ourselves.

Deb, Mel and Shel have been my friends since high school.  Actually, Mel has been in my life far longer.  Our mothers were friends in high school and we met for the first time when we were in elementary school.

These amazing friends have seen every part of my life.  They saw the abuse I suffered and the "relationship" with my mother.  They know that what I lived is real.  They watched as things progressed with our son, and supported us when the decision was made that he had to enter residential treatment.  They may not have always agreed with our choices, but they have supported us, held us up, prayed for us, loved us and have been the best friends we could ever ask for.  Having a support system that has known you most of your life is beyond amazing.

There is a saying that I've heard for years and I believe very strongly.  "Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver and the other gold."  I believe this with all my heart and these ladies are pure gold.

Our final big support system is my in-laws.  Notice I didn't say my family.  My parents have not been a support system at all and have doubted us every step of the way.  My in-laws are a completely different story.

We may be over 1000 miles apart, but we are as close as can be.  We have had a great relationship, even prior to children entering the picture.  My mother-in-law and I used to have season tickets to theater events together when we both lived in the Dallas area.

My in-laws saw things with our son when he went to stay with them for a week when he was about eight.  Things did not go smoothly and he let some of his behaviors show.  That was a first for him.  He was usually sweet and charming to everyone he met.

They began to see what we dealt with and really got it when we explained things.  When the violence began, they were worried about my safety.  They understood the need for out of home placement and didn't doubt what we were doing and what the court decided.

They completely adore our daughter, but we are blessed that my mother-in-law has been a teacher in various grades and understands child development.  She knows what is "normal" and what behaviors come out at what ages.  We are now dealing with puberty and I can vent about the hormones and other issues are experiencing.  Yes, it's age appropriate behavior, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating.

I have other support systems.  I have met other moms through the Attachment & Trauma Network, our church is amazing, and other friends I have made along the way all are people I can lean on when I need to.  I wish every family dealing with special needs had the support I have.  Sadly, I know that's not the case for everyone.

Thank you to all the wonderful people in my life, and thank you for your support! - That almost sounded like a campaign speech. :)

Who/What is ATN?

Touching Trauma at Its Heart

ATN is the group my husband and I volunteer for, and has been an emotional lifesaver for us.

ATN stands for Attachment & Trauma Network.  We work with families who have children who have been abused, neglected or suffered emotional or medical trauma in their early lives.  This shows up in behavioral and medical issues.

So, what does all that mean?  There are various reports that you can find on our web page to really get into an explanation, but.... the short and sweet of it is that something has happened to these children that has broken the crucial bonding cycle in early life.

These children have had the very basic trust that should be established in the first two years of life violated in some way.

There is some great buzz around ATN right now because yesterday we rolled out our new logo (pictured above), our new tag line - Touching Trauma at Its Heart, and a brand new format of our newsletter.

ATN's focus is to help, support, educate and advocate for the parents who are raising these children.  In MOST cases, these are foster or adopted children.  Trauma can affect biological children.  It is usually in the form of a medial issue, but there can be other things that affect biological children. Mostly we work with foster and adoptive parents.

Pediatric Trauma is a mental health issue, however adequate resources for pediatric mental health is vastly lacking!  Providers who truly understand and can work with the issues are few and far between.  When we find good providers, they tend be over booked because they DO get it.

ATN has been lifesavers for our family because it was the first place we found that understood our daily lives.  The fantastic all volunteer staff got us through some very difficult times.

We are so proud of what we are doing that we are offering up our newsletter, usually a members only benefit, for free this month.  If you are interested in a copy, e-mail kelly@attachtrauma.org or julieb@attachtrauma.org.

Also check out our Facebook, Google Plus and Twitter pages.   We will also very happily accept your donation.  ATN is completely volunteer run.  Every person on staff is parenting or working with traumatized children.  We understand the parents we work with because we live it every single day.  You can also join ATN as a parent for only $35 a year, or as a professional member for $75 a year.

Even if you're not parenting a traumatized child, you can make a difference in the life of these children.

If you are parenting one of these children, ATN wants you to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

Dumpster Diving for ATN

What sane person gets up at 6:00 AM to go dig through trash cans and scrounge under bleachers?  Well, I do, but I"m not sane, so it's fitting.

Why in the world would I do this on a Monday morning?  Or any morning for that matter?  Because those cans and bleachers contain "plastic gold."

The organization my husband and I volunteer for, the Attachment & Trauma Network (ATN) is in the hunt for a $50,000 grant from Pepsi.  If you're not familiar with ATN we are a post adoption support, education and advocacy group.  Occasionally we work with families who are biological families but their child has had some trauma, usually a medical issue.  The vast majority of the families we serve are foster/adoptive families.  The children have been subjected abuse and/or neglect in their early life and have emotional and behavioral issues because of it.  In addition, there are often mental health issues, whether it's due to maternal drug and alcohol use, or other organic mental illness such as ADHD or Bi-Polar disorder.

ATN is ENTIRELY volunteer driven.  My good friend, Nancy, started the organization in 1995 and ran it by herself until about 2003/2004 when several of us joined the staff.  We are now a vital organization.  Members of our group testified before Congress a few months ago about the lack of Post Adoption Support.

So, what does this have to do with dumpster diving?  OK, I wasn't really in a dumpster, but I smelled like it when I got home.

Pepsi has a monthly contest in which various organizations compete for "votes" to win a grant.  ATN is competing for a $50,000 grant.  Supporters can vote via Facebook, e-mail and text, but at this stage of the game, the real votes are in Pepsi codes.  Each code can be entered on Pepsi Refresh Website and is worth anywhere from 5 - 100 extra votes.  These are the yellow plastic caps on top of Pepsi bottles.  There are also codes inside specially marked boxes.

My husband works for a private ambulance service and was the standby ambulance at the Slinger Super Speedway.  He noticed an abundance of "yellow gold" floating around the racetrack.  I contacted someone from the track, and they were nice enough to let me come and scrounge for the caps.  So, my daughter and I set out early this morning to dig through the trash to find these precious caps.

This was our haul after about 2 hours of work.  Having a skinny, flexible 9 year old along certainly helped.  She could fit into some small places that I couldn't.  She was actually excited about doing this.

I explained to her that she is in our family because of ATN.  I met her previous family through ATN.  Had I not been part of that organization, she wouldn't be my daughter.

When I explained to the man at the racetrack why I was looking for these, he was happy to help.  People do want to help, but they don't always know how.  This is a very simple way.  It didn't cost the track anything and they didn't have to do any work either, but they were able to contribute.  We collected 190 codes today.  We will be back after the races for the last few weeks of the season.

If you want to help families, I will willingly take your Pepsi codes.  You can e-mail them to me at kelly at attachtrauma.org.  $50,000 is a huge amount of money for us and can do so much good for families.  It only takes a few minutes of your time and can help countless families.

And a great big thank you to Slinger Super Speedway for the help!!!  If you want to vote via Facebook or E-mail, you can find the information on the ATN Website.  Vote every day!!