Thursday, April 26, 2012

Seeing it done right

As I deal with my son starting down a criminal path, I can't help but look at the sweet face in this picture.

This is a little girl that I watch 2 days a week.  She brings such joy to my week and lifts my spirits whenever I see her.

My son had a crappy start to his life.  His abuse started before he was born.  His birth mother drank and used drugs during the pregnancy.  She denies it to me, but I have court reports where she admits it.  All of the boys (5 total) show physical characteristics of fetal alcohol issues.

Add in continued physical abuse after his birth, watching domestic violence as he grew up and various other things, and his path did not start out well.

Contrast that to this beautiful little girl.  She is sweet as can be.

Her parents love her completely, prepare her baby food from scratch (organic foods no less), keep a clean home, hug and kiss her often, get down on the floor and play with her and everything that good parents do.  I wonder what my son's life would be like if his birth mother had loved him enough to do these things with him.

I normally watch this little girl at her home. It is better for her to be on her regular schedule, in her own environment, surrounded by familiar things.  Today we had to leave because my daughter had a presentation at school and I wanted to see it.  Baby girl saw my husband today.  She's only seen him once or twice before this.

When you parent the kids we do, you look at interactions very differently.  She did not reach out for him or eagerly engage with him, but she didn't shy away either.  She waited for my cues as to whether he was safe or not.  When she got her verbal, and non verbal cues, she began to interact.

She is a sweet little girl, ahead of schedule developmentally, and when she cries, it's because she has a need.  She is just a joy.  When her mom leaves for her classes, she doesn't cry, because she knows she is safe with me and that I will take care of her.  However, when her mom comes home at the end of the day, it's a different story.  She lights up with a big smile when she sees her.  If mom leaves the room, Baby Girl starts to cry.  Even though she can see mom or hear her, she still is ready to be back in the arms of mom.

As much as I hate to hear this little one cry (it breaks my heart) knowing that she is so securely attached to her mom makes my heart sing.  This is one little girl who will be loved completely, given every chance in life and barring any major medical issues, will have uninterrupted attachment.  That may sound like no big deal, but in my world, it is huge!!

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