Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Don't argue with crazy....

In my previous post, I talked about my mentally ill adult son.  He decided to go off his medication, which is just plain dangerous on so many levels.

Yesterday he sent me a text asking for money to pay his cell phone bill.  We said we would pay the bill, but he had to be 1) in school AND 2) on his medication.

For the several weeks leading up to this we received long rants from him about how he is doing "great" off his medication and we just want to keep him drugged up and other such things.  This is just plain crazy talk.  We don't want him drugged up, we want him safe, and those around him safe.

When I stood my ground and refused to give him money yesterday he cursed me out via text.  I didn't argue with him.  You can't argue with someone who is not rational.

This afternoon we discovered that when we would not give him money, son went to my father and tried to lie and manipulate his way into money.  He claimed that we would not give him any money for his medication.  This couldn't be further from the truth.  Last month I gave him money when he told me he was getting his medication refilled.  He had no intention of doing so and used the money on absolutely ridiculous things.  I'd been burned and learned my lesson.

Fortunately, my father mentioned this to my husband today.  We don't sugar coat our son's issues.  We are honest, but my family has always wanted to believe we are wrong, that there is SOMETHING we can do.  We have done everything WE can, but he does not.  After today's discussion, my father may be starting to understand.  Hopefully......

It's not that I want to deny my son things, but I am not OK with him lying to and manipulating people.  He does it quite well.  He is incredibly charming.  When he does not get his way though.... Look out!!!  After young son found out he was busted and that Grandpa now knew the truth, the anger and hatred came unabated.  I am so thankful that he is 10 hours away and I am out of the path of his wrath.  I do fear for those around him when he is like this, but I cannot force him to take his medication.

Nor, will I argue with someone who is not rational.  I didn't take the bait.  I didn't continue the text argument he tried to start.  I blew off the hateful words and names, and I decorated cookies instead.  I did something good for my mental health and for people whom I love and who will appreciate my efforts.

It was far more productive than trying to argue with a crazy person.


  1. I think one of the hardest things about dealing with a RAD kid other than the typical challenges is constantly having to defend what you do as a parent and how you handle things. Anyone that is feeling sorry for Tommy needs to read the letter to teachers on the Nancy Thomas website. Keep Strong!


  2. The thing is, I gave them "When Love is not Enough" back in 2004 when he was first diagnosed. Hasn't done a bit of good.

    Thanks for the support. I know you get it and have your hands full too!

    Hugs and cookies. :)